Stay Classy

Having nothing to do with anything...

Do you Trololo? Oh, please tell me you do.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here and watch the 18 second version. Then watch it again. I don't know why, but I swear it gets funnier every. single. time.

Then click here for the full 2:42 version. Oh, yes. Believe it. There's more.

The Trololo can turn my whole day around. I use it frequently. This, friends, is why I love the internet.

And you may say to yourself, "How did I get here?"

Overheard on the police scanner (you'd be amazed by the sheer weirdness you'd hear if you too had to listen to a police scanner all day long) tonight:

"White male, lying on the sidewalk, doing exercises with a vodka bottle."

This, of course, is where I have to start making up stories about the series of events that led up to exercising on the sidewalk at 9:30 on a Tuesday night.

"But officer... my wife and I were going to have a few friends over, so I walked to the store for some refreshments. And on the way back, it hit me! I forgot to go to the gym today!"

"But officer... I'm on a very strict diet! You know what they say... calories in, calories out. I figure I'm going to drink a LOT tonight, so I thought I'd better start burning off all those calories before I'm too drunk to finish my pilates."

"But officer... my girl told me not to come home without a six pack. I already drank all the beer I bought, so I'm pretending I thought she meant the other kind."

Forgive me. These are the things that go through the mind of the extremely sleep-deprived. Have I mentioned that Brady has started getting up for the day at 5:30am?  

  

Gluttony

The contents of my desk, at this very moment: a giant bag of tortilla chips, a jumbo box of M&M's, a jumbo box of Mike & Ike's, a bag of peanuts, and a box of Oreos (because my co-workers are awesome!). All of them are open, and are within arm's reach. Not good. 

Or, you know, very very good-- depending on how you look at it. And calories don't count on your birthday, right? That's what I'm telling myself, especially after lunch at Lazlo's and the ice cream cake that I hear tell will be waiting when I get home.

Oh, and the 5-mile bike ride I took this morning? I've decided that it totally negates whatever else I eat today.

It's my birthday, so I make the rules. In that vein, I am also deeming Paul the "Best Husband Ever", and Barb, Christina, and Summer "Super-Duper #1 Awesome Friends"-- for many reasons, but mostly at the moment because of the two big bouquets of flowers that are also inhabiting my desk.

The Birthday Queen has spoken. You may now go about your business.   

Musings on a Monday

I know, I know-- still no Project 365 this week! It's coming, I swear. Paul has rigged up some temporary solution to our internet issues, so I'll be able to upload last week's pictures later tonight or tomorrow. You're totally on the edge of your seat, right? Sure you are.

We were without internet access at home for a little over 48 hours-- and I hated it. Seriously, I don't know what we all did before instant, 24-hour access to information. This morning, for example, I woke up and wanted to check the weather-- and how exactly was I supposed to find out if it was going to rain again? There was not another local news program on for another 3 hours! I have been conditioned to need to know now! When Paul sent me a text message and said that Time Warner wouldn't be able to send someone out to fix our issues until Friday, I think my head almost exploded.

On the other hand, I did have just that much more time to play with the World's Most Adorable Toddler (tm)... so there was a definite upside to being cut off from the rest of the world. :)

Speaking of the WMAT, Brady is getting more and more definite about what he does and does not like every day. His current fixations are on bananas and the "Sesame Street Greatest Hits" cd. Yesterday, for example, we were downstairs playing when he stood up and yelled "Nana!" He marched over to the baby gate, I moved it out of the way, and he climbed up the stairs, walked into the kitchen and started vehemently pointing at the bananas and saying "Nana! Nana! Nana!". I took one down for him and peeled it, and he dissolved into a puddle of happy banana-eating baby. 

He's also signing more and more. He very definitely knows the sign for "more" and exercises it frequently, and gets "milk" a lot of the time too. He has developed his own sign for the Sesame Street music, which is pretty much pointing his finger straight up in the air. Not that this is truly signing, but he'll also now point to his feet and tummy when asked.

Oh! And there's a mystery sign that Brady has started doing all the time that neither Paul nor I can decipher. Basically, he takes his right hand and rubs his left arm over and over, almost like he's brushing off dust. We have no idea what this means. Paul thinks he needs a pinch hitter.

I suppose I'll end this wandering post (I'm not sure I ever had a concrete point here) with another random thought. Paul was at rehearsal last night (I'm officially a theater widow now, by the way), so after I put Brady to bed I decided to order a movie from the On-Demand channel. I ended up watching Rachel Getting Married, which was very very good but sadder than I had expected. It was painfully real. Fortunately, I couldn't get too down while watching it, because the father in the movie, who had a very big, heavy roll, was played by Bill Irwin. Why is this funny, you ask? Because Bill Irwin is also Mr. Noodle on Elmo's World, and it was totally impossible for me to take him seriously.  

Say it isn't so

So, I'm not one to blog much about television. The truth is, it never occurs to me that anyone would be interested in my opinions, and I rarely feel that I have anything particularly stimulating to add to the glut of writing on topic. At the moment, I'm actually in the process of editing down the number of shows I follow. Given that I'm at work during prime time, anything I watch has to be DVRed (I suppose that's a verb now) and watched in the mornings while I'm with Brady (assuming he's willing to play independently for a little while). The only show I do that with now is Lost, because I'm totally addicted and invested (and if the writers don't answer all the questions, so help me...).

Anyway, I bring all this up because I am in mourning. In case you've somehow managed to miss it-- ER is over tonight. This is not okay with me. Why wasn't I consulted?

I was a big ER fan in the early days, and watched pretty regularly up through the end of the George Clooney era. I really fell in love with the show, though, when I was pregnant. TNT was running back-to-back episodes every morning from 9-11am, and I think I saw the better part of all 15 seasons while I laid there delaying getting up and facing my swollen feet and bloated face. I saw Dr. Carter way more than my actual doctor during my pregnancy. (Not that I necessarily recommend gorging yourself on ER during pregnancy-- scary things happen to pregnant women with shocking frequency!)

In the vast wasteland of reality tv, ER is one of the few remaining honest-to-goodness tv dramas with consistently solid, intelligent writing. Sigh. I, for one, will miss it. 

The Misplaced "You too"

Do you know about "The Misplaced 'You too'"?

It's probably the most famous bit by Brian Regan. Paul and I, by the way, are both big Brian Regan fans. We saw him at a small comedy club in California years ago, and then again last year in Omaha. He's always a good time.

Anyway, The Misplaced "You too" is simple-- somebody wishes you a happy something-or-other, and you reply with "You too!" without thinking about whether it makes sense. My favorite example is when a security screener at the airport tells you to have a nice flight, and you respond with "You too!... You know...  the next time you fly somewhere... which may or may not be soon..."

I bring all this up because it's always fun to hear a good Misplaced "You too!" in use (once you start paying attention, you'll notice them all the time!). I know I have been guilty of more than my fair share, and it's always appropriately awkward. Maybe that's why I enjoy it so much when I hear it happen to other people.

Tonight as we were leaving a restaurant, I told the high school-aged hostess (who I had been chatting with about her finals and upcoming spring break) to have a "Happy spring break!" To which, of course, she answered "You too!... er, uh, well... you know." Unsaid implication... "not that you have a Spring Break... being old and all..."

I had a good giggle.

(Now that you know... listen for those Misplaced "You too's!". They're everywhere, and they're always amusing.) 

Friday Fluff

 It's a sunny Friday here in Lincoln, and my brain doesn't seem to want to work too hard. In that spirit, how about some mindless fluff?

First, if you haven't watched this video of Ricky Gervais and Elmo, you should really stop what you're doing right now and go watch it. It's hysterical. The best part is that the actor who does the voice of Elmo never breaks character... he isElmo reacting to Ricky Gervais being Ricky Gervais. It made me laugh out loud, and Brady got all excited because Elmo was involved.  

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My latest goal is to tire Brady out as completely as possible in the mornings so that he'll take a good afternoon nap and Paul can get lots of work done. In this interest, we've been on all kinds of outings, and it seems to be working-- he's slept for at least 2 hours every afternoon for the last few weeks. Awesome.

Anyway, Wednesday morning we went to Toddler Storytime at the library, and then we stopped at Lost in Fun on the way home. I offer you the photographic evidence (check out Brady's static hair in the first one!)...

  

 

Here, he's watching some older kids play on the swings. I don't know if he just wishes it was him on the swings or what, but he seems to be doing his best Romeo and Juliet impression... 

 

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Maybe I'm way behind the curve here, but how did I not know that Lincoln has a co-op organic grocery store? I just found it last week, and I am in love. It's now a weekly stop on the way home from Toddler Playtime(see? tiring him out!) on Friday mornings to pick up produce and whatever else looks interesting. Brady doesn't mind the trip because I let him have samples from the bakery (what can I say? my kid's a sucker for baked goods). They even have a fresh deli, and last week I bought myself a big slice of peach/blueberry crisp and had it for lunch. Mmmmmm...

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One of the best parts of my job is when I get to use the tv platform to directly help people. It doesn't happen every day, but every once in a while I get to feel like I'm making a difference. In that vein, this week I have a series of Call to Action reports airing that feature a new program from the People's City Mission. They have a brilliant new partnership with some local churches called The Barnabas Project. Essentially, they're opening thrift stores in strip malls in parts of town where there's a lot of need-- and they give everything away for free. The churches raise money for the rent and provide volunteers to staff it, and the mission provides the clothes, shoes, books, toys, and furniture they give away. The thinking behind it is that, by putting the services right in the neighborhood, it will help combat some of the stigma that prevents people from asking for help. It's a fabulous idea, and since they opened their first location in November the number of people coming to them for help has doubled and tripled.

If you're in the area, you can catch the last story on the project on our Sunday 10pm news. Otherwise, you can watch them on our website (I tried to link directly to the videos, but from some reason it keeps knocking me offline. Good times. But if you scroll all the way down to the news videos, you'll see "Call to Action: Barnabas Project" videos".)

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Have a great weekend, everyone!

Nuns in the Edit Bay

In the interest of following something depressing with something lighter, I offer you this story that makes me look horrible but is a nearly guaranteed laugh. Don't say I never gave you anything.

I was feeling somewhat uninspired last night, and asked if anyone had any blog ideas for me on Facebook. My old boss Jasen chimed in and suggested the now-infamous "Nuns in the Edit Bay" story... so here goes.

My first job out of college (actually, I started while I was still in college) was at a community cable station in my hometown in California. For most of my two years there, the staff was me and 12 guys... so you can imagine the general atmosphere. I used to joke that I was Wendy and they were the Lost Boys. The jokes and innuendo and all the rest of it were constant. It was great fun, and I was totally one of the guys... and I used to totally get sucked into talking like them, too.   

I tell you all this because it explains my reaction when, one random afternoon following a particularly offensive comment from me, Jasen said "Watch it, Lauren... there are nuns in the edit bay." (All 3 edit bays were just outside the office Jasen and I shared, and our door was open.) Given his history of messing with my head, I didn't believe him for second.. and in all my 20-year-old wisdom, decided instead to call his bluff. I think my response was something to the effect of "Of course there are. There are totally nuns in the bleepety bleeping edit bay."

"No, Lauren. There are."

"Uh huh. You're hysterical. Well then, bleepty bleep bleep bleep."

You see where this is going, don't you? About 30 seconds later, 3 nuns came strolling out of the edit bay. My brilliant reaction was to throw myself on the floor behind my desk and pretend I was invisible. I think I probably said about 300 Hail Marys and Our Fathers while I was down there, and I'm not even Catholic. Jasen, as you might imagine, just about died laughing at his desk.

Needless to say, I watched my mouth after that... and I always made sure I knew who was in the edit bays.

(There, Jasen... I called your bluff again. I know you didn't think I'd do it.)

Under the Weather

You've probably arrived here expecting to read the eloquent words of your favorite anchorwoman, Lauren. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Lauren is curled up in bed trying to fight off a bug.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, you're right. The bugs in our house are so big that we actually have to fight them. Normally, we wrestle them to the ground and put them in a sleeper hold until they are rendered unconscious. Then we duct tape the bug to a chair, douse it with cold water to revive it and force the hapless insect to endure hours of Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies videos. We then release the bug into the wild as a warning to others that their kind are not welcome here. On the plus side, the bugs do leave with rock hard abs and shapely thighs. So it's really a win-win for everyone.

Lauren is very sorry she can't join you today. She'll be even sorrier after she reads this guest post. But tune in tomorrow and hopefully she'll be able to regale you with her offbeat brand of self enlightenment - and 27,000 more photos of Brady. I'll give Lauren your best.

Sincerely,

Lauren's darling husband, Paul

Mystery Solved

For the longest time we've been trying to figure out how Peanut got so fat... and finally, I think we have our answer.

He's not fat...

 

He's inflatable.